OA DOGs vs Aylesford Bulls RFC Vets
(Home - 29th March 2009)
Evergreen Plate Semi Final

OA's vets (DOGs): 45 [7T – 2C - 2P]
Aylesford Bulls Vets: 10 [2T]

Despite the onset of senescence and the clocks moving forward, all the meticulously selected DOGs and a few more did turn up on time on the day! Valey will just have to carry on observing Lent, and will remain starved of mums, sisters and pets...  Richard “Swanny” Swann came back to us and the sport after 5 years, Joyer travelled three and a half hours to joins us, and a special mention has to be made for Dave “Sharkbite” Fairbairn too. Sharkbite, sensing we could be short of forwards, came down with his kit despite a leg injury and having to drive his family to the airport. Great effort from all! And with a squad of 18 legends and a semi-final on the agenda, this was a bit of an occasion at the club. An occasion that also proved to attract a little crowd and even a celebrity in the name of the “funnier than a Frenchman”: Joe Brand.  

All that said, the pre-match state of affairs was not all rosy... the DOGs were misfiring during the warm-up and the Bulls appeared to have a squad of 18 determined players. Indeed, the Bulls did look the part, but being ugly does not make you good at rugby... A last set of well executed moves with the backs and forwards, a couple of minutes in the changing rooms and the DOGs were on the pitch, ready for the whistle.

John “Bionic” Seneschall’s kicking radar proved to be cold in the first few minutes of the game. A lesser player might have felt the pressure, but John is a DOG with a pedigree. And once that radar had warmed up, the methodical bombardment of Aylesford’s positions started. Think Picasso’s Guernica here for an accurate depiction of a Bull. In the confusion that ensued, the DOGs unleashed Paul “The Machine” Koloi inside the shop of china bulls. A couple of hand-offs and broken tackles, a magnificent dive as if on the Riviera: 1st TRY. 3rd minute.  

Restart, a good catch, but a poor execution in the maul led to a scrum, Aylesford put in. The Bulls had a first opportunity to probe the DOGs’ defence between the 10 and 22m. The ball came out their way, but courtesy of a particularly aggressive defence from Paul and the pack, they never made it to our 22s, and instead were losing ground. The ball was finally turned over and back we went into the Bulls’ half. Paul again smashed into the defence inside their 22, close to the clubhouse, and took 3 or 4 defenders with him. Perfect rucking, Dil ran the ball on the blind, sidesteps, classy interplay with Buster on the wing who then scored: 2nd TRY. 7th minute.

Restart: This was again a very brief opportunity for Aylesford RFC to have a lightning tour of the DOGs’ half. And before soon, the bionic boot had sent the Bulls back to their pasture: line-out, 7 yards from their try line in the NE corner. At that stage, Macca was entertaining their number 8 with a word of poetry here, an elbow there... and before anybody knew it, the bull was seeing red... And then yellow for 10 minutes on the account of negligently carrying a hand bag on the pitch. With now 14 men and a deficit of ten points, things were not going well for Aylesford; they were just about to get worse...      

Here, I will have to return to the Paul “The Machine” Koloi phenomenon during the first 30 min of the game to perhaps explain an even more extraordinary feat. Besides being the great destroyer of all defences, requiring an average of 4 men to stop him, displaying pace, skill, diving capabilities and demolishing the moral of the bulls; Paul was perhaps also at that point a source of inspiration for the modern forwards now fielded by the Dulwich Old Gits. Following the “canary” offered by the referee to the Bulls’ 8 for peace keeping at the line out, the game restarted: a quick shift of the ball across the field, a reversed pass, and Macca was carrying that ball forward, sucking the defence in before giving a great pass to Satch who then darted through the remaining 12m and 4 defenders to ultimately and forcibly stretch his body out of the tackles like we never knew a man his size could stretch it, and dive... 3rd TRY. 10th minute. Outstanding!

We already had an Impala in Jaani, we now have a Gazelle in Satch...  And when in the second half, Adam “Fluff” Freeman made his own 40 yard dashing move, trampling a bull and looking right and left for a support player fast enough to keep up with him, I knew my taxonomic knowledge of the antelope species would be insufficient for the day...  Fortunately, Fluffy helped there too and suggested: the “Water Buffalo”.  Close enough! It has to be said that the forwards delivered an exceptional performance that combined strength, speed, elusiveness and quick short passes in this game; and perhaps uncharacteristically for Old Alleynians FC, an onlooker was heard saying: with forwards like that, who needs backs? Well, no dig at the ladies here... The backs did play magnificently, and so they should have looking at the impressive roster! But it just was a very good day for the donkeys, antelopes and other water buffalos...

Now, the stunned bulls, perhaps reflecting on their condition in these days of modern rugby, became cynical. Penalties came our way... 3 points at the 25th minute, another 3 at the 28th. The restart to that second penalty was the occasion of a superb catch from the jumping Water Buffalo, who again made the ground back to the greener grass of the Bulls’ pasture, off-loaded to Macca who had a splendid interplay with Dennis, and the ball eventually reached John Seneschall: superb long pass back to Macca: 4th TRY under the posts. 31st minute.

Unfortunately, after such a dazzling display of rugby, the game entered its “dark ages”... There is little documented evidence from that period where all slowed down. But legends, tales and stories have it that it was a difficult time to be a DOG. Even more bizarrely, “birds” are said to have dominated these strange times: Our local and adequately fleshy “Can she fix it” chick was louder than Ditch, a plague of canaries descended from the referee’s pocket and thinned the DOGs down to the barbaric number of 13, and nonsensical references to professional “fowls” were made... The bulls took advantage of the sombre situation to score two tries, discreetly knocking on in the execution of one of them... But in fact, to the credit of Aylesford, they had remained pugnacious all along despite the score and were now galvanised by their tries!

Luckily for the beautiful game and us, the time of the Renaissance and panache was not too far off, and Airesy nicely sealed the game at the end of an attacking move well orchestrated by the backs. 5th TRY. 75th minute. The Bull’s head went down. The end was close, and indeed the ugly beast from Aylesford was put to the sword twice more, and it was no more...
Once by Paul, who at that stage had moved into the backs: 6th TRY, under the posts, 78th minutes, running 20 yards through 6 or 7 defenders...

And then Andy Evans made a break and delivered a fine pass to Swanny who handsomely concluded the game with an 7th TRY at the 80th minute.

It was again a true performance! The nature of the side fielded by Aylesford made this game a great showcase for the forwards and a more rewarding victory than beating Chipstead. Backs, forwards, and subs did deliver superbly on the day. Again, no demagogy here: it was a comprehensive display from all. I will finish by now mentioning Simeon, who is always ready to all eventualities and has been a terrific asset throughout the DOGs’ campaign; not least at number 8 at the end of this game when he tackled their biggest man after a lineout 5m from our line.

For being a right pain in a Bull’s ar.., for being a pain in the neck of the referee, for playing their 8 like a fiddle and sending him to the sin bin, for sending himself to the sin bin, for being everywhere on the pitch when allowed to be on it, for scoring a try, for pugnacity, overall skill, stamina and being the scourge of the opposition all along: Macca will have to be the DOGs’ bollocks for this one. Now, being the DOGs’ bollocks in a semi might not sound like much, but whoever was at OA’s on the day knows better...

For some reason, the man of the match for the quarter final was not nominated, but it is never too late!

DOGs’ bollocks for the quarter-final: Ed Bowden (for the superb early try, the outrageous dummy and being ubiquitous...).

Fabrice 'Le Manager' Bollet

Semi-Final Squad:
Andy “Sturdy” Evans
Gareth "Bob Hoskins" Unwin
Mark “Gazelle” Satchell 
Dennis "Denzel" Yearwood
Adam "Fluff" Freeman
Jamie "Macca" Macpherson
Richard "Swanny" Swann
Paul “The Machine” Koloi
Dilwyn “Dil” Sheers   
John "Bionic" Seneschall
David "Buster" Sandars
Tim "Colonel" Sandars
Kingsley “Kings” Mbanuzue
Mike “Joyer” Joy
Richard “Airesy” Ayres 
Simeon "XXXX" Davies
Ian "Spike" Kenny
Dave “Sharkbite” Fairbairn